Life, it is hard. Sometimes I feel like there is just not enough time to get everything done, I feel like I am doing everything ½ way just to try and get everything squeezed into my day. I fail daily at being a good mom, wife, daughter, sister, friend and employee. I ignore my ringing phone because I am afraid I will become Scrooge as I answer and bite the persons head off, I take over a week to get some important paperwork in the mail and I forget things daily that I have promised people. It is a blurry stressful mess at times. Sometimes quite honestly I feel like I'm drowning, finding the last bit of strength within me to keep my head above water.
Then, at the very moment you feel all things might come crashing down around you, all those hats I've been juggling trying to keep in the air, they are unsteady and about to crash around me. GOD, he answers and provides a quiet clarity, a moment where I swear my breathing slows back down to normal or I start breathing again all together, not even realizing I'd been holding my breath. A moment, where my heart rate becomes regular, the tension leaves my shoulders and that blurry mess of my life is crystal clear.
For me this moment came last night, I went to work out and almost fell to my knees right there in the gym thanking God for the song that came across my iPod in that moment, "Your Love is Extravagant" by Casting Crowns
Spread wide in the arms of Christ is the love that covers sin
No greater love have I ever known You considered me a friend
Capture my heart again
No greater love have I ever known You considered me a friend
Capture my heart again
I instead grabbed a hold of the bars so I wouldn't go flying off my machine and prayed, truly had a conversation that I have not had with him in weeks, an in depth spilling of my heart and my guts all in his lap. You know what he did next?
He gave me the opportunity to come home to a screaming child, a kiddo who did not want to go to sleep and was screaming mommy from her room. I went in and she fought me as usual, but instead of getting frustrated, he provided words to Christmas songs and nursery rhymes that I sang until she started calming down, until finally she fell asleep holding the neck of my shirt in her sweet little fingers. I listened to her breathing even out and rocked her, I prayed for this sweet gift and all of a sudden that clarity came, that moment of complete calm and restoration. Where God's words and purpose for my life were clear as day, he filled me up in that moment, showing me where my priorities should lie, showing me just how much he loves me, so much in fact that he gave me the greatest gift of my life in Lydia Rose.
I hope that throughout this Holiday season I do not lose site of the season through my daughters eyes, her wonder and joy at seeing the tree lit up for another day. Yes we have parties or commitments every weekend, work is crazy busy, there are gifts to wrap and buy yet. I just need to celebrate all of it and be thankful for all of these blessings that are sometimes disguised as burdens, my Savior was born this season and that is worth Celebrating every day, in the midst of this "hustle and bustle"
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