To go along with my post on love last weekend I thought I should follow it up with one of the largest obstacles for me lately and over the last few years. The true reason I am focusing on choosing love every day. Something I want to be better at this year and throughout the rest of my years because Lord knows it will probably take me that long to ever get it right, if I ever get it right here on this earth.
Forgiving and letting go. I have been hurt we have all been hurt, it is no fun. When someone doesn't trust you enough to tell you the truth, they lie to your face, they hurt your feelings, they hurt your family or those close to you. It all meshes into a tangle of anger, hurt and grudges. I am the worst when it comes to holding grudges. I want more than anything to be able to let these go. I want the freedom of no longer holding onto the hurt of no longer hashing out events of the past in my head over and over again until I'm angry and hurt all over again.
I know it is not Christian to hold onto grudges, God doesn't hold onto grudges so why should we? Because we are human and make mistakes daily.
I wasn't always this way, I used to give people multiple chances, let people walk all over me and in the end it hurt too much so instead I reverted to the complete opposite, I hold onto this hurt too long and let it sit until all that is left is the ruins of a relationship.
This is an area in my life that I am constantly working on, praying about, and failing at quite honestly. Only God can change my heart and I know he is capable of such large tasks. It's not something I can do alone and it's something that might take me until I die to finally figure out.
Then Peter came to him and asked, "Lord how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?"
"No, not seven times," Jesus replied, "but seventy times seven!"
Matthew 18: 21-22
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