Yesterday I had planned to get my drivers license updated with my new address, finally, figured I needed to before I left the country. I was going to be waking Garrett up from his nap to do this before preschool pick up then I was going to go after pick up to my doctors with both kids in tow to get my immunizations because my Dr. told me I could call ahead of time and then just walk in if they had it on hand.
I was nervous to do all this with kids in tow and messing with nap and lunch times. Little did I know when I got home from work that Layla and Ellie had been in a fight earlier that morning and when my Aunt said Ellie had been really quiet I thought that was strange she is not quiet by nature when she is baby gated away from the family. Sure enough when I checked on her she had quite a bad gash in the fatty part under her neck and then later that afternoon we saw her eyeball was swelling and bulging.
I put her away, take Garrett to my BMV appointment calling the vet on the way...I'm sorry we can't take her in unless you can bring her right now...uh no I can't do that...que water works. They tell me I need to bring her in the morning. I arrive at the BMV not expecting to need a new picture had to get a new picture with no makeup on, my hair in a gross pony, crying eyes and a baby on my lap.
Get done early from the BMV stop by my doctor's office. Oh I'm sorry we can't give you your immunization because you have not seen Dr. so and so since 2011. (I have had a baby and take my kids to see her) so instead I have to make an appt with her for next week....why wasn't I told this when I called the day before or when I asked my dr. over a month ago.
Go pick up my daughter from preschool, drop the kids off with my aunt so I can properly kick our dog out of our home and take her to the kennel where she now resides while we are making arrangements aka begging for her to find a new home. This being the dog we have had since a puppy, she is 5, lived with our pug all her life. This is the dog who laid in bed with me for 2 days when we lost our baby 2 years ago, she laid on the edge of all of our kids blankets and watched over them when they were newborns. She has had 6 foster brother and sister pups in and out of our house but for some reason cannot get along with Ellie anymore. We had to make a decision after many chances were given, we just can't risk that happening anymore with the children around.
It's so hard and I feel like such a failure, I feel like I have let her down and that I am abandoning her. I have only stopped crying to put on a face for the kids so they don't know anything is wrong although Lydia knows that mommy is sad.
The devil is at work in my life but I am trying hard to keep going, to call and make appointments for physicals so I can get my immunizations, working hard to find time in the midst of appointments, meds for the dog now and giving time to the kids to watch my videos and pray for my team.
To be honest I want to give up I want to throw in the towel and say you win, I shouldn't leave this to go away for a week, I shouldn't leave my kids and my mess of a house and life to go dive head first into serving others when I can't take care of myself. BUT that is what the devil wants me to do that is what he hopes I will do. So I say NO to him and YES to God, yes to what he has called me to. To the people of Haiti where something big awaits me and my team. Where we can provide extra hands and maybe a sense of rest to the staff at Respire.
This attack is real but so is my God and he is bigger and I will lean on him in this mess of a life and make it to Nov. 1 when I get on that plane with my sister and head to Haiti.
Please pray for the hearts of others that will no doubt be under attack as I am.
If we are doing Good things ... Bad things will happen.
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