Why?

In the midst of the chaos that is adoption paperwork, life goes on. We both still have jobs, we both still have commitments, we have two kiddos one in school two days a week and the other into and climbing everything. There are moments I feel totally inadequate, there is no way in this world that I can parent my two children let alone one through adoption, there is no way in this world that I can complete the mountains of paperwork, most of it being at the mercy of others and hoping they get it right the first time.

I ask myself a lot Why? why did God put this on my heart? Wasn't my life fine the way it was, why can't I be comfortable with the life that we were living, maybe just have another baby biologically? why complicate things? why add a child who has so much trauma and brokenness in their life into our home with  two children who have been raised in a loving home and won't be able to fathom or comprehend the type of life their brother or sister had leading up to becoming a part of this family.

My heart is broken and I have frustrations and I get angry at a world where this is even a "thing" adoption is even a thing because this world is broken but Jesus saved us and he adopted us into his family and for that reason I say YES. How can we not do this. I want a big family, I want children running through our house and causing messes and driving me totally bananas. I want that family so I say YES, because a child deserves a family who wants them and loves them and will care for their every need.

I want to live the gospel with my life and I want people to see Jesus in us, imperfect people and I want my kids to know what it means to live outside of ourselves and to live for the kingdom, to not put our stock in things of this world...to be the body of Christ, to literally be his hands and feet. To not talk a big game but to walk it and be humbled by the mountains of paperwork and the training and the money and the tears and brokenness. To love others in spite of their circumstances, story or previous life, to love them so much it hurts. To let it all break us so that he can build us up again making us stronger.

"...that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work" 2 Timothy 3:17

Thank you Jesus for that because I feel totally unequipped 99% of the time.