Last week Matt and I added a chapter to our story that we hoped would never be written. We hoped we would not have to join the millions of women and families who have miscarriage and loss as a chapter in their story. BUT we are now in that mix, this is now part of our story.
Wednesday is when it started, we went in Thursday morning for an ultrasound, all looked fine (Great actually) we saw the baby right away and heard that life altering sound … the heartbeat. They were not sure what was causing my bleeding but it did not seem to be related to the baby directly. I went to work for a few hours and noticed it was getting worse again. So I went home to lay down for the rest of the evening, I was on the phone a couple times with my Dr. who happened to be on call (what a blessing to have her talk me though this). I went in again Friday morning praying for the best trying to be optimistic, we had heart the heartbeat not even 24 hours before how could it not be there. There was nothing. No sign of the sweet life we had seen and heard only 24 hours earlier.
Heartbroken.
As I have stumbled my way through this weekend, I am thankful for the friends and family that had already celebrated this sweet life with us and were now mourning and praying over this loss right along with us. I am thankful for my ROCK of a husband who never ceases to amaze me. I am thankful for my spunky daughter who knew no different after mommy came home, I whispered to her as she let me rock her to sleep that night, that I would make her a big sister someday, that her baby brother or sister had gone to be with God ahead of us and will be waiting for us when we meet again.
I am thankful for the band of women who have wrapped me in prayer and hugs, they have told me their own stories. I know I am not alone, and although it doesn't take the sadness away it is nice to be in precious company.
This chapter is not near complete as I am still healing, it will be with me the rest of my life but I will celebrate that sweet life every October 6th, the life that made me a mom all over again if only for 7 weeks and 2 days.
8 comments:
xoxo. sending hugs, kisses and prayers your way Allison! I'm so very sorry for your loss.
Oh no... I am so so sorry. I understand your heartbreak - we lost two babies in their first trimesters as well. I am praying for you! If you ever need to vent please don't hesitate to email me. I wish I had words to help, but unfortunately there aren't any except "I'm sorry." Many hugs being sent your way!
I'm so so sorry this happened. I am sending your family the biggest most gigantic hug a comment box can hold. Me, Dave & Clara have felt that pain and it is truly something that only time (and Jesus's gentle words) can heal. Love to your family.
What a brave and strong woman you are for sharing. I will keep you guys in my thoughts and prayers. Sending lots of hugs!
I am so sorry for your the loss of your sweet baby, Allison! Praying for you!!!
I am so sorry for your the loss of your sweet baby, Allison! Praying for you!!!
So so sorry Allison. Praying for you. Much love sent your way.
oh my! i am so sorry to hear this. my heart goes out to you. sending healing prayers and thoughts to you and your family.
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