Well let me tell you something, Yes he is happy, Yes he is snuggly...BUT you guys there is so much going on underneath all that because this boy has been through some trauma that honestly is not all ours to share some of it I don't even know the extent of. That happy smile on his face comes on like a trigger when I say look at mommy with the camera (it is planned, he knows how to do that, he puts on a show) He wants you to pick him up and snuggle you...he doesn't know you, that's not normal, he is trying to find attention wherever he can get it.
Underneath all that is a boy who is straight up defiant on most days, he understands when I tell him not to do something (let's say "get out of the dogs face or stop kicking the dog or stop feeding the dog") he will look at me shake his head yes that he understands (we also use the help of google translate at times) and I will turn my back and find him doing it again, this can go on forever but 3 times is my limit and most days he meets that 3 time limit and is stuck in "time in" with me wearing a pouty face and not looking me in the eye.
He talks and talks at bedtime, last night he was yelling to the point I could hear him downstairs, no matter how many times I tell him people are sleeping and he needs to be quiet. One day his brother is gonna walk down from the top bunk and sock him in the mouth. He yells/cries out in the night while asleep, we can't wake him up and get him out of it...he is stuck in some night terror that sounds awful and I can't help him. So we put a roll bar on the bed because he will roll himself right out of it thrashing around and I say a prayer when I go to bed that maybe tonight they won't be as bad. I roll lavender on his feet (you oily people have me hopeful) but so far it just makes their room smell really good still in the morning when I go in to get him up.
Let me also say and this is where I felt really really bad at first but almost every adoptive mom I have talked with really talked with and asked how they did it has said they feel something similar so I'm saying it right now, in case you are wondering if you can do this too or if you are an adoptive mom who feels like they must be doing this wrong....you are NOT doing this wrong! For these first few weeks it has felt like we had the annoying neighbor kid over to play and he's never going home. If I'm honest, that is how it feels. He is hyperactive EVERY minute of the day it feels like, the other kids do not like him half the time because he is so loud and so wild that he climbs on them, he hits them with toys, he steals their toys, my kids aren't that wild minus the "witching hour" that hour before and after dinner. It is an adjustment, everything I read says Hyperactivity is a coping mechanism in some kids, that being loud is the same. All the toys are new, I'm waiting for them to lose their appeal. We do lots of "time in" where he comes to sit with me while I fold laundry or cook or whatever I'm doing. He doesn't get left alone he just has to sit with me until he calms down and we can try again.
We've hit almost 7 weeks with us, over a month now at home...we have school next year on the horizon we have summer time and a slow summer at that with no extended vacations planned. We have FOREVER to work all this out, for him to start feeling more comfortable, for him to reach the point that he is with us longer than he was with any of his old caregivers and maybe then he will believe that he is not going anywhere and begin to heal. There is a lot of healing that needs to happen, and for now I try to bond and attach while creating boundaries and teaching him how we treat people in this house...it's a fine line y'all. It's one that I miss most days, I fail and get mad at myself and him but God has already seen this whole journey worked out, he knows how this all pans out, he has a plan for my life and most importantly for Theo's life as our son and brother. We are here to stay, he will learn that eventually and until then we let God do the work and I just muddle my way through every day.
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