Change...

It's crazy how much can change in such a short amount of time. You can actually see Lydia grow and develop and learn things every single day BUT for the mom it's a little less noticeable. OK, maybe we physically look different (stretch marks that will never go away, those hips that are a tad bigger now after giving birth, the extra 5-10 lbs you just can't shake) but the changes I'm talking about are those that go on inside a mamma's heart and soul after having a baby.

I never knew the depth of this love that a mom has for her child. I know for some it's not there and it's not what they imagine but for others it's as big as a shift in the universe. Your whole world looks different than it did 15 short months ago when that babe was just a-kickin away inside trying to prepare herself for her grand debut.

For me, it was a complete shift in priority, my heart is changed, Lydia has help me grow in my faith. I have a whole new perspective of the love that God has for each and every one of us. That love that is so strong and so powerful, the fact that he knows each and every one of us is nothing short of a miracle. He knew Lydia was going to change me, I am sure of that. He knew that Lydia was the vehicle that was going to change my heart and my life. She was the push I needed to become the woman he planned for me to be.

I look at things differently, my priorities have changed, friends have come and gone, family is stronger and more important than ever. Believe it or not, having a baby gave me a back bone. I stand up for myself now because I have to, it's not just about me anymore it's about my family. I want to be stronger and a better person because of Lydia. I love harder than I used to, my circle of loved ones may be smaller than it once was, but I sure do have strong love for those in that circle. Those that love my child and love me, now that is something to cherish.

He knew that having Lydia would open my eyes to the world of adoption and orphan care after battling through a rough couple of months after delivering my sweet girl. Those few months of doubt that my body could handle this all again opened my eyes to other options of growing our family. It opened my eyes to a whole new world, a world where little ones just like Lydia are not so lucky to have their mom survive a traumatic/scary recovery. A world where they don't have grandma's, aunt's, and GiGi's to watch them while mom gets better in a hospital. They are orphaned as the result. That thought rocked me to my core, it hit me so hard that it took my breath away. I looked at my sweet daughter and her beautiful eyes and perfect lips, the newborn smell and the coo's as I rocked her to sleep. Who was rocking those precious baby's with no mommy or family to appreciate those moments and the small things? I saw her in every one of their faces. I was changed. 

Have I learned to trust what my body can handle now? HELL YES! I am woman hear me roar hahaha. I will have another baby, I loved being pregnant, I love those first newborn days of knowing that through God's perfect plan I helped create this life and now I am responsible for taking care of it and that is AWESOME but this change it is deep and life altering. I will never be the same and that is ok. I will look back at my old self fondly because well ... she rocked.  But being Lydia's mom is even better.